newest
older
profile
guestbook
e-mail
dgdesigns
host
2003-05-12 4 5:23 p.m.
i'm homeless & managing. 'twas popcorn for breakfast today; respect my gangsta.
it's been gutter life. kicking it @ Juan's while he's in Mexico right now. i spent a beautiful 2 & a half weeks w/ patrice, post-finals just lounging & putting the fun back in fundamentals. jonjon was really right -- we do complement each other's persons. when i'm down, she's up & vice versa. together the 2 of us r always on point...as a unit, as a team we work madd well. we share jokes, share talents, share cash stash, share comfort, share counsel, share guidance, share our courage & optimism...it's just good. the summer'll be tough; hard enough that i'm tryna do the jobsearch grind, but w/out my best friend...hm. tryna blow up the notebooks. everything's been in snippet stage tho, which is frustratin' -- no finished jawns, everything cuts off @ the end. i'm a creative writing major right now. this stuff isn't a hobby no more. can't keep playin' w/ it as if it was. in between tryna finish this grisham novel, hittin up my Nyorican poetry antholgy & biblical literature i'm kinda stretched for readin'. i owe a lotta cats emails. i owe a lotta people a lotta stuff. gets overwhelming. the counselor operation got shelved. i'ma talk 2 summore cats -- disciples out the Chemical Recovery ministry -- abt this medication thing & c how it pans out. just tryna be abt my business right now & thug my way thru. make moves & survive the summer. not really lookin' 4ward 2 it, but those feelings ain't magnified in2 a depression cloud yet so until then...
...i'm str8.
& before i f'get --
couple things i'm grateful 4:
- this Little Brother record; must be some of the chillest, most quality stuff i've heard in my life. just real -- head to toe, it's real. honest, w/ integrity dripping out the headphones. it's been today's soundtrack & it's really helped me stay on an even keel. i vibe to it, i relate to it & i enjoy it to the fullest. what hiphop's supposed to be, y'all.
- computers & the internet; w/out this, i'd know half the ppl i'd know & be barely in touch w/ the other half. everytime i touch down on a keyboard i feel at home -- whether computer lab, friend's pad or my lil' notebook comp it feels natural & where i belong. freaky, but true. i love me a monitor & some qwertyism.
- female friends; they temper the temper up in you, numsayin'? keep you where you need 2b. humble u when u need it, keep u needed, show appreciation, point out yr flaws -- sometimes even unbeknownst to them -- good to have 'em around, yo.
- brothers & sisters that ain't blood; i wouldn't have a place to stay, company to keep around, transport to places, advice...counsel...guidance. i'm indebted to these cats -- i owe 'em my soul & more & i thank God all the time 4 their existence. 4 him reachin' out 2 me thru them, & 4 him keepin' 'em close.
- my talent; if i didn't write, i'd be so bottled up & congested i'm not sure i'd be able to ever get a word out, yo. my company would be sum'n decidedly ugly & i'd just be an overall unpleasant nigga to be around. plus it gives me sum'n 2 work on, 2 nurture & throw myself in2 besides sch & God. sum'n precious, sum'n beautiful & sum'n that i can be proud of y'know? even share w/ the few others who care enuff...but mostly, a private chamber where i can just be myself -- let loose in the truest sense, & not regret it. that's what writing is 2 me. that's the meaning of poetry...
- my first decent wardrobe; this is a big deal 4 me, cuz i've never owned an assortment of clothes handpicked by me, & fleshed out @ my own discretion. 2b able 2 walk in2 a mall, a store...hit up the discount shelf (all my thrifty consumers, throw yo coupons up -- i c y'all!!!) & yank stuff off, bag it & take it home 2 rock. i could & am indeed gettin' used 2 this.
the trick is to never have an hr of defeat. moments, yes -- they'll come & go whether u like 'em or not. but never an hr. never an extended period. keep it movin', as much as it hurts. as much as u wanna stick back & mope. the future doesn't exist yet -- it's a blank slate that you can write whateva you want on; good/bad. there r restrictions yes, but as long as u stay on the sheet of paper & don't stop scribbling 4 nobody...
...u/i'll be ok.