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2003-08-04 4 12:35 p.m.
i dunno, i was gonna write in here, but i find i'm too tired (mentally) 2 even drop anything. i've been finding myself overwhelmed by much of the stuff in my life, 2 the point where it manifests as inaction. a metaphorical throwing up my hands in a well-rehearsed display of futility & resignation.
i'm finishing sociology on thursday. i smiled when marty-mar mentioned mexicans volunteering 4 experiments 'cuz that's sum'n i've been doing 4 months -- being done w/ summer sch will up the frequency of that significantly. if i can make that G i'm aiming 4, it'd help so much. so very much.
i walk here on campus & it's struck me how much i despise this place. i didnt really think abt it or quite realize it b4, but being in summersch gives a diff dynamic 2 it -- u're on campus, but u're not quite in sch & u're not quite in a semester so "school" isnt exactly "school". u're physically present, on campus & such but all the trappings & associated bull that goes along w/ being in college is notably absent. it's only when it peeks in -- sorta slips surreptitiously on2 the scene, do i realize how much i hate it all.
being in class & having the sorority girl come in trashed, in shades talkin' abt last night's debauchery. goin' up in the towers II dormitory & navigating those cramped & claustrophobic confines. seeing familiar faces. just random things that remind me that it'll all be started up again in a few weeks. & i didn't even know that i hated it...
's quite a revelation.
an ugly one @ that. & it makes it that much harder 2 be here & that much harder 2 fight tooth/nail 2 stay here.
my aunt&uncle in cookville r actually hoping 4 me 2 come up there 4 the 2/3 weeks b4 the semester starts 2 recharge & re-cooperate. 2 get a taste of family & caring & consideration. 2 get away. 2 fortify me 4 the coming semester & the months ahead. ha...
i'm still praying that there will BE a coming semester & months ahead 4 me.
this weekend. it was good. thankyou Hamilton. thankyou Rob. thanks...
pCe.
