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2003-11-28 4 9:25 p.m.
flurried 2day.
it's 9.30 & i should be reclining in the matress & boxstring that's been my resting place 4 the past week. we wake around 6.30, 7am 2morrow 2 take me back...overall it's been an experience. mostly b/c i've spent so much time w/ myself & my thoughts. my typical practices outside of sch --
stay up 'till 2, 3, 4am running around online...wake up 9, 10, 11...takes me @ least an hr, maybe more 2 get presentable these days, which is nuts b/c on campus it's a 15 min affair. prollem here is the hair. e'thing is rooted @ the hair man, pun intended. if i do the full-on shampoo thing then i need 2 clean all the curlies out the tub...then after i'm all dried up & semi-dressed, i have the picking ordeal. that takes 15 mins min, 'cuz after the actual picking is done, there's a 2 min "wash all the curlies down off the counter & in2 the sink" period.
days i spend reading, sleeping & thinking. it all runs 2gether, mostly 'cuz it almost never leaves the bedroom. that boondocks book (a right to be hostile) has been major company. & the Spirit is faith-shaking.
i haven't written a legitimate lick since i been here -- not even lines, stanzas & snippets. all i do is have thoughts go thru my head. past/present/future. fretting abt ppl, analyzing things...pondering, mulling, musing. the silence is deafening...& w/out trying, u fill it...w/ thoughts.
u're here w/ 'family' & though they're...extended relatives & all, every moment only further serves 2 reassure u that they're not 'your' family. visitor, outsider, stranger, temporal intrusion...ha. i'm thankful they take me in, & i enjoy every second of it...but it's a frequent thought.
tv's funny. so's adam sandler.
6 days of escapism. e'body i talk 2 is so envious of how long our break is.
everytime u leave the place, u wonder...'why am i going back?' -- @ least towards the eve of yr departure. & u never quite answer the ?estion 2 yr own satisfaction. never.
"i just couldn't quite fit in. but then again, it's sort've been like that everywhere. i'm always out've place..."
Peter, the Irish Accordian player, paraphrased from memory.
i'd empathize...& relate. only, i think i may have found place in being needed. don't find a niche, find a need sorta thing. folks r always hurting, searching, requiring, languishing, scrambling, lacking...
the english rep in the miss world pageant is awfully plain...emblematic? don't ask me...
they say my loan came thru.
thanks 4 small miracles, God.
in many ways, i'm glad jay left the game.
i owe myself sum sleep...
*chuckles*. who'm i kidding? more reading/thinking 'till the wee hrs more than likely. i've been praying 4 u though. 'nite, world. waking me w/ flurries t'morrow?