newest
older
profile
guestbook
e-mail
dgdesigns
host
2003-11-30 4 3:56 p.m.
here again, & owe it 2...somebody...2 get my grind on for 3 more weeks. work 2day, more work 2morrow, more work the next day. if i finish right, this may be the best semester...academically...that i've ever had -- A's & allat, out the whazoo. plethora (yeah Martin, thass how ya spellit!!)...*smiles*.
Pharrel is frickin' awful, live man...
i mean that Dave Letterman stuff was one thing, but even on Jay's unplugged jawn man...the opposite of soulful man -- sorrowful.
i know, up 'till now, @ almost e'y point of my life it's been a life of distractions. unfocused, chasin' w/ my mind & attention whatever my eyes rested upon. whateva it would be, it'd drag me away...from purpose, from drive, from mission, from direction. blown off course so easy; y'know, the double-minded type. actually, multiple minded...
& now, i'm on this cusp of adulthood cliffhanger...& nowhere 2 go, 'cept truly maintain 4 the first time or go down. u don't get time 2 siddown & collect yr thoughts, get yr game clothes on, be ready...nobody's gonna pause 4 that. it's now/never, & it better frickin' be now...
a lot 2 change, a lot 2 lock down.
below all the shapeshifting, i'm really scared & atrociously unsure of myself. i'm learning 2 trust 4 the first time, instead of despair.
y despair though? what around me is saying 'despair'? that's exactly it. it's not what i'm in, but rather who i am...that be messin' w/ my outlook.
i'm far away from the past of pain, but it still sorta settles deep in u....attaches itself 2 yr abdomen or smthg. plaguing every subsequent step taken. i never did get it really, not ever...'till now:
...i can't see 'em coming down my eyes, so i gotta make the song cry...
still haven't written anything. funniest thing is that when i look @ my old work, i get complacent -- almost like, how can i best this? what more can i say...*smiles a Black (album) smile* -- but my story doesn't end here. there's so much more 2 tell...i just wont be doin' it on OKP @ all...i'm tired of the message board scene. masturbation; i really feel that's all it is...solicitation of shallow props 4 an ego-stroke, &...coming out've this class, my approach 2 the craft has matured so much. i don't play anymore. this is serious, & it's meant 2b honed, refined & tweaked...not lauded, fawned over & left 2 its own device. spank yr voice in2 submission, son...
ha. 'tis the season 2 thug yr way thru...handle it holmes.
"I'm like a, rose in the desert but how can one grow without rain?
the kid gotta get back 2 the books...
writing 'em & reading 'em alike.
ain't enuff hrs in the day, homie...
How can one experience happiness without pain?
And how could I fall to the violence of hell and still remain sane?
And how could I still remain on top of my game?
When both the black and white devils seek the power to rebel
Seek to defy my radiance, I shift gears to another level
I'm focused, but it's like I'm playin a cold hand of spades
I got a lot of hearts, but these fools tryin to cut me..."
-- AZ, I'm Back