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my strength is failing me... 2003-12-11 4 1:43 p.m. i don't really feel up 2 this right now. i don't talk abt it 'cuz there isn't much pt -- i'm immensely grateful 4 where i'm @ & what i have...thankful 2 the core, & i recognize its placement in the master plan, but... i don't really feel up 2 this right now. work, work, eat, work, nap, work, work, nap, work, eat, work, talk, work. my room looks like my mind right now...normally on the pristine & orderly tip, it's a bomb shelter. boxes on the floor, clothes hanging off chairs, dishes unwashed & in corners, books/papers scattered. the weight of this all on my shoulders...hurts. after an entire semester of being this good, i'm drifting. i think abt hurting myself daily but, so far so good. i dunno how far though. so far but how far? deadlines stare u in the face & ppl expect things. family, friends, faculty... u miss me Nugma? heck, i miss me. missed me 4 a while. & i know it'll be a while longer still. e'body gives me the it'll all be over so soon crap. wears me out more than comforts me. failure/success. pressure, stress. i'm just tired man... heh, i can't even write right. i feel karas on those embarassing literary mistakes. i dunno, my mind is shortcircuited. i close my eyes sometimes & try 2 pray...i get these mini-nightmares instead, & have 2 stop. images, from whence they come i haven't a clue, but they assault me...random, unconnected. it feels like a hurricane, a tornado in there. or a pictoral representation of the practice sessions 4 Miles Davis' btches brew. i can't barely close my eyes. now that i think abt that... it sounds, & is, really really messed up. gosh...we'll c i guess. we're not those who shrink back r we? that's the truth...i just have 2 dig inside & find the substance 2 live up 2 that truth, man... live up, stay up... "maintain on rugged terrain" (c) Frakage ...yeah, i definitely miss me. previous - next