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2004-01-26 4 4:28 p.m.
its been two
i still see the red
all disjointed &
i bled technicolour
the fetal
years still,
never have i mentioned it;
not a word. not a hint, yet
slinking trails down my wrists
like Napoleon leading a multitude
of mindless maroon,
blushing & ashamed.
fire-engines,
......bloody-valentines,
running rush-hour rivulets down my forearms.
......umbilical
the gullies ran,
only this time there was
no placenta,
no second heartbeat,
no nurturing womb
no you.
for all the blacks i wasn't black enough for
& the white people that wouldn't
befriend me.
i bled, hoping
boats of burgundy would
sail their way six thousand miles from a
shiny new dorm room receiver, their
sails carrying a scribbled S.O.S
that i never sent.
i'm sorry i never told you, ma
i was hiding behind
self-medication,
Kleenex &
Gillette disposables, i guess.
position can be
comforting. you taught
me that.
now i wish i'd never
sat silently, enveloped
in hurt as i taught you
how to
listen &
......not hear,
to search &
......never see
the red.