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2004-03-25 4 5:01 p.m.
we all look like that when we first come to this country...
small, incredibly small. & so scared & unsteady & just-managing. decidedly out of our element. but there's an exhilaration in the eyes. an excitement. an acknowledgement that we are one of the few to actually 'make it' over here. & we make friends & buy clothes & try to find our niche. at least first it's friends & clothes -- jim w/ the guitar...old navy hoodies (we've been warned abt the cold)...kate who needs help w/ her homework...aeropostale jackets (august was nothing compared to true winter; why didn't they tell us that?!)...dave, the frat guy...abercrombie t-shirts. later on, it becomes piercings & girlfriends & religions. the accent breaks down. we acquire favourite foods that can only be got over here. we stop looking so small & scared. we strust. we lose our wide-eyed wonder...like yr average american, we learn to be dissatisfied & discontent w/ our lot. we call home less often (it's 50 cents a minute, that's murder). we crack gay-jokes & add "awesome" to our vocabulary. we're still good @ math though. & one day we wake up...& going home after we graduate/accomplish grad school/get a good paying job & stack some bundles/whatever our long-term goal was when we stepped off that air-conditioned plane & caught that definitive glance of The_West...that going home thing doesn't seem like such a good idea at all.
i met a ghanaian today.
2nd semester engineer -- that was precisely where/when things started falling apart for me. second semester. the engineering program. compsci major. this is now semester 6 for me, arts&science program. english: creative writing major. some things never change...but others do.
he was small.
incredibly small.