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2004-06-07 4 8:46 p.m.
things have been undulating. it's extreme joy & happiness, then it's doldrums again. the fight never ceases, but sometimse i feel like i should. or could. sometimes it's bad enough that i think abt the pitter patter of paxil. but i pray & i read & i pray summore...& it goes away, to wait for a more opportune time. i look @ the world i live in, & the desperation saddens me. close friends & not-so-close friends deceiving themselves...we search for happiness in what? a bottle? a cancer stick? an orgasm? an imaingary union built on self. caffeine, the internet, music maybe...music. augmenting everything for me has been music...sort've the background story to what unfolds, center-stage. i must be up to 600 cd's by now. & it's tiring @ times, b/c listening becomes a daunting task...just b/c how intense i am w/ it. every kick, every snare, every riff...every pant, every soothing aural caress...i wanna catch & i wanna feel. & i do. i wear myself out, but i do...& so for the last month or so, these ppl have been some of my best friends. which is why i gave them this small space to revel in. some i haven't talked to in a while. some i do on a weekly basis...but all of them mean something to me. & that @ least is a good thing.
...Natalie Cole, Juggaknots, Beck, Run DMC, Bob Marley, Rakim, Led Zeppelin, Camp Lo, Velvet Underground, Binary Star, The Strokes, Mos Def, Otis Redding, Copywrite, Chuck Berry, Gangstarr, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, A Tribe Called Quest, The Libertines, Talib Kweli, Jimi Hendrix, T.I., AC/DC, Eminem, Bjork, Joe Budden, Ween, Cunninglynguists, Bill Withers, Brother Ali, Alice In Chains, Louis Logic, DJ Shadow, Biggie, Lauryn Hill, J-Live, The White Stripes, J.U.I.C.E, Al Green, Illogic, Cody ChestnuTT, Cannibal Ox, Me'shell Ndegeocello, Tonedeff, James Brown, Little Brother, Charles Mingus, Mobb Deep, Saul Williams, Nas, The Flaming Lips, Cormega, Fela Kuti, Heltah Skeltah, Nirvana, Wu-Tang Clan, Miles Davis, Pete Rock, The Books, Blackalicious, The Beatles, Last Emperor, Diana Krall, Pharoahe Monch, Cinematic Orchestra, M.O.P., John Coltrane, Apathy, The Eels, Styles of Beyond, Fiona Apple, Aesop Rock, Jeff Buckley, MF DOOM, Stevie Wonder, The Roots, Tool, Sage Francis, Erykah Badu, Asheru and Blue Black, Pavement, Common, Wilco, Tracy Chapman, Big Punisher, The Hives, Jean Grae, Tori Amos, RjD2, Ani Difranco, Prince Paul, Res, Outkast, Pretty Girls Make Graves, Jay-Z, Tom Waits, Deltron 3030, Slayer, El-P, Etta James, Aceyalone, Portishead, Ludacris, Nina Simone, A.Z., Mars Volta, Immortal Technique, Guns 'n Roses, Ras Kass, The Smiths, Dead Prez, Jedi Mind Tricks, Herbaliser, Peanut Butter Wolf, Prodigy, Redman, Megadef, Jurassic 5, Black Sabbath, Planet Asia, Radiohead, Ugly Duckling, Massive Attack, Canibus, Alanis Morissette etc...